Mom guilt is when you don’t feed your kid the highest quality organic food, or they’re not dressed as cute as that kid, or “I’m not making enough breastmilk”, and THEN IT ALL SPIRALS INTO, “I’M A TERRIBLE MOTHER!”‘
Dad guilt exists, too. And it can be paralyzing.
We talked to Buz Mayo about this in the Christian Parenting Podcast around 22:00 in:
It all goes to comparison, and it’s a terrible thing for all of us…We have to know from our God that He has made us and He has given us these chidlren and He belives that we are enough – with Him – to raise them well.
No one knows what to do when they have their child the first time. It is a huge adventure and it requires great dependency on God, but we live in a culture where we’ve been trained and marinated in a sauce that says we have to be independent.
So it’s a big shift for a parent to be even asking God the question “would you help me learn to be dependent on you and not compare myself to these 47 other people.”
The sin of comparison can be crippling.
I first heard this concept from Matt Chandler at the Village Church:
The first bucket where we will find most of the sins of women is the bucket of comparison. The second bucket we will find most of the sins of women would be called perfectionism. As men are prone to selfish passivity and selfish aggression, women are prone to the disordered desires of comparison and perfectionism, and both of those lead to a type of darkness and destruction as to erode the very feminine soul, so women will carry with them under the weight of comparison and perfectionism the stench of death just like men carrying and walking in selfish passivity and selfish aggression will reek of death.
Remember, as Buz said, God believes that we are enough – with Him – to raise our kids well:
As I’m leaning to invite Jesus more into everyday and every hour and to yield, we have to trust and believe that there is far more at work in our parenting than we are aware of.
New parents: Where have you experienced mom guilt or dad guilt?
And more experienced parents: help give us proper pespective for this guilt. Do you still feel it? How does this look like now that some years have passed?